It makes me wonder...

Last week it was me..

Oldest daughter having a hard day. Says she just wants me to hear how she feels. But how she feels has a lot to do with how I have not been a very good parent. Over and over she tells me that it's not about me, but about her feelings, but I can't shake that feeling of being under attack. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to respond with what she needs.

Then it was youngest daughter...

Practising Poi in the front yard. Gets hit in the head. Angry and frustrated she slams them hard on the ground. Calmly and without anger I ask her to please be mindful not to break them. She explodes in tears. Anger, sadness.. So much hurt, all aimed at me. I tried telling her I wasn't angry, she's not in trouble.. But she's trying hard to make sure the story is that she didn't do anything wrong. Talking about things doesn't help. Taking a break to cool off does.

Then it was at playgroup..

One of the little ones throws a hard ball at the others. He had that look in his eyes just before he was about to do it too. That mischievous look. I sit next to him. Quietly, gently (remembering youngest daughter's reaction) "hey bud, remember we don't throw those in here. Someone could get hurt." then comes the explosion. He wails! Tears stream down his cheeks. I take him into my lap but he just goes boneless and keeps crying.. "I want mother". I try to explain that he's a good boy. That everything is OK. Taking doesn't help though. Making a pillow fort in the corner for him to sit and cry in seems to be the best solution. He calms down right away.

This makes me curious. What is up with us?

I guess it's obvious.. It feels bad to be called out on something you know is wrong.  But why the strong reaction? I usually react with anger and defensiveness (how dare you, and you have done worse than this before), and then sadness even to depression (see how broken I am about this).

I just want to understand. So that I can make it easier when I have to be the one giving the hard to receive words (because I have to keep them safe)..  Or maybe knowing when it's not time to give them at all. And also so that I can make my self open to hearing hard things about myself. Other people's ideas sometimes hold the key to helping me with my own blind spots.