I present to you two scenarios...
Scenario one
My husband works very hard. It seems like he is almost never around. Sometimes I think he loves work more than he loves his family. Just look at how he yells at the kids as soon as he walks through the door. I almost don't even want to talk to him. Dinner is a nightmare as usual. I can feel the tension and negativity all around him. Even as we go to bed at night I feel no connection. Where is the closeness that is supposed to be in a marriage? I have needs you know. It's just not fair.
Scenario two
My husband works very hard, and I am so thankful for him. He makes it possible for me to stay home with the kids which is such a luxury in this day and age. Speaking of kids.. I'm just going to scoot them outside to play for a bit because it's almost time for him to come home. I know they miss him and want to jump all over him, but I know he is tired and needs just a few minutes to land first. I appreciate how he connects with us over dinner and finds out how everyone's day was. I am really looking forward to our time just before bed where I get to rub the knots out of his back and hear about how his day was and share about how mine was. I love being able to give him my love and attention. I can tell he really appreciates it. I love how he gives me his love and attention in return. I am blessed.
Before you call me sexist, I should point out that you can use husband and wife interchangeably in these scenarios. I know because in actual reality I have played all the roles in these stories.
Many years ago I was struggling in a haze of depression carrying around the thoughts of scenario one. It was almost more than I could carry. I failed to recognize that, in addition to working very hard, my man was also struggling to bring himself out of some of his own deep personal struggles at the time.. All by himself. Things were not very good for us. I'm not sure what would have happened if I had not woken up one day and realized that I didn't like the person I had become and that I could change how I think about things.
There was also a long period of time where I was the one who had to work very hard and the man was at home with the kids. Do you know what? There were so many days where I would come home from job number 3 and just want to curl up in a ball and cry. If my family had been angry at me for being away (I was pretty angry at myself for being away), or if they had jumped all over my poor overstimulated self, I would have felt like running away. They were not like that though. They showed me love and grace and appreciation. I will be forever thankful for that.
Right now we are both working moderately hard, but I think we have all learned that what you think counts for a lot. I choose love.
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