Intention

I have been wondering for a long time if all of the things that I have been learning about are just for me, or are they "the right way" for everyone to live. I think that I am now beginning to understand that the things that I am learning right now have a lot to do with where I am right now and where I am trying to go. My intent or my direction.

This month, it would seem, that my practice is about forming a clear intent. In wednesday morning Yoga Nidri (meditation) the first thing that they ask us to do is form our intent. He suggests things like.. I want to awaken my spiritual potential, or I want to be healthy. Stuff like that. In every book I have read about meditation they also stress this as the first step. I'm not sure why, but it is something that I have resisted or struggled with. It is hard for me to decide what my intention should be, maybe because I am afraid to get it wrong. I should know better than that.

Anyways, this brings me to the question.. is what I am learning for just me. I understand now that your intention dictates your direction, which dictates what you need to learn. For instance, if your intention is to become a professional pianist, then you will probably learn about how to play the piano, how to practice dilligently, how to read music, etc. If your intention is to be an mad scientist and take over the world, you will probably learn a lot about physics and bombs and also a lot about hate. So, my learning is going to reflect where I am going from where I am. The path is mine alone.

Obviously the things that other people learn can be useful to me and the things that I may learn can be useful to others. That is because we are all humans so we work pretty much the same way, and because we will share a lot of common intentions, like to be happy or healthy. So the things that work to make one human truly happy or healthy might be extremely similar.

Also, I think that having a clear intention makes things simpler in your learning and growing. Just like when I used to ride horses (but this is probably similar for any soprt), they always told us to look in the direction that we wanted to go and then the horse would line up with that, but if we were looking all over the place our horse would be all over the place too. If we focus on the direction we want to go, then we don't have to worry about all of the tiny little details all the way along. Our wise subconscious self will already be lining things up in the background.

Letting Go of Thoughts and Moving On

When I look back and think about my journey to now I remember that the first step was the hardest. I remember that I had all these doubts and questions about what I believed.. I wanted to ask those questions and find out the real answers, not just the answers I learned in sunday school.  To do that I had to let go of all the answers that I already held on to. I had to lose my faith. It was the hardest thing that I have ever done.

Now, looking back, I can say that if you seek with an honest heart and an open mind you will be lead down an unbelievable path of learning as far as you are willing to go. But each new step in that path requires you to let go of the steps before.

I remember when I was young, how sure I was about everything. How I had it all figured out, and how everything made perfect sense.  Now I think back on all those things I was sure of before, and do I still think those things? Hardly at all! I have to remember that these wonderful things I am learning now will also have to be put down in their time. It is the way of growing.

I think that is why I am writing here. So that I can trace my journey a little bit, but always to hold lightly and let things go.

Practice makes Perfect

In my life, and in watching Shane's life (and transformation) I am noticing some themes.. Some ways of doing life that keep coming to the foreground. As we add more and more good things to our lives the goodness is becoming more and more distilled and there is this clarity.

As I have been practicing Yoga I have learned what it is to have a practice, and I now realize that these good things we do in our lives everyday to help us live well and learn and grow are also a practice.

To me a practice is something we do regularly on purpose, with effort (but without striving) with an open heart and mind that will passively grow us and change us if we let it.

There are many things that everyone can practice which will help them move forward along their path in a direction of strength and peace and understanding. I am pretty sure that most of these things will help everyone without exception..

Things like..

Healthy nutrition

Good quality sleep

Healthy relationships

Exercise

Meditation

Yoga

Learning

Surrender

There are other things that you can practice that may be more specific to your own personal goals or personality type. These things will also benefit your life! These are specific skills like music, art, dance, massage, fixing a car, poker, writing,  chess, cooking, energy healing... Anything you do, with effort on a regular basis, you can improve upon.

The new things I'm learning also become a part of my daily practice. I try to practice a new thing every month (because it takes a month to build new brain pathways and new habits). It gives me time to see how it changes me and to make adjustments. This month, for instance, I was going to try practicing mindful breathing as much as I could, but it would seem that this is too ambitious for me at this time, so right now I'm just practicing noticing.. Whenever I remember to notice, I take notice of what I'm doing,thinking,feeling.. And I try to remember to breathe (and often have to remind myself to relax)

Another one of my ongoing practices is to remember to just be.. With the people I'm with. Remembering to look at their eyes.. Think about what they are saying (not about other things), and reflecting on what they are saying.. Not reacting to it.

To practice is beautiful because it changes us and causes us to grow!

Secret Santa

Now I will tell you about one of my favourite and most valuable of practices.. Shhh... It's a secret. 

You know how Jesus talked about how when you pray, you should not do so on the street corners were everyone can see how holy you are, but secretly in your closet at home. It's like that.

It is one of the ways I can test things that I'm learning too (kind of like a double blind experiment). Like asking (the universe) for what you need.. And then not telling anyone at all about it.. And just watching and waiting. It is so much more amazing to see the results, then when you say, ask for the thing you need and then putting out your prayer request on Facebook.

It is a way of being smaller and quieter too. Like, doing good things for people without anyone else knowing. 

Oh, oh! Or especially (for me), like when I think I know what someone ought to be doing or thinking, or a way things are supposed to be that I need to change.. Before I say anything or do anything I go all Secret Santa on it. I ask the universe to show them the way, change their mind, change the situation, and always to change me too.. or, give me the obvious opportunity to act.. And then I wait, and watch (and remember, it's Secret Santa).  If I wait quietly its amazing what will happen.

Secret Santa! It's my favourite! 

Testing the Fruit

It can be very scary to move into a place of surrender from a place where we knew how things "should" be. Society (especially religious societies) have some pretty clear ideas about what is good and what is bad. When you move from that place to a place where there is nothing good or bad (things just are), how are you supposed to know what to do? I'm not sure I even really know, to be honest. Most people don't just jump from one way of thinking to another so easily, I don't think, but we tend to cling to our old ideas and release them gradually.. Which is totally fine! You don't want to break your brain.

One way to learn and grow into this new space is by trying  things out and looking at the fruit. It takes a great deal of honesty with ones self and courage to do so, but there is so much to learn if you can!

Things always have pros and cons to them. You just have to evaluate for yourself, are the benefits of things worth the cost or is the cost too much. 

Drinking alcohol - 

benefits.. It's fun.. Releases stress.. Can build relationships.. Can increase creativity.. 

Costs.. hangovers.. Can lead you do do dangerous things.. Can change your personality for the worse.. Can lead to an addiction. 

Now you get to decide.. It is a good thing or a bad thing for you, at this time.

Shane often uses this formula to evaluate his choices.. "Does this thing help me come closer to achieving my long term goals?" I really like that way of testing the fruit.

Testing the fruit of the choices in other people's lives is tricky (maybe not a good idea). It can lead one to anger, sadness or contempt with them if we do not agree with their choices. Also, when some people (most of us) feel like their choices are being judged we might make our choices in defensiveness, which makes it difficult to be as honest with ourselves as we may need to be to make a wise judgment.

Sometimes when I am really not sure I go Secret Santa.. I ask for wisdom and then be quiet and watch.. Often wonderful ideas come from unexpected places.

Letting go of Self

Today I learned that a dear sweet woman I know of will soon be moving (with her dear sweet husband) back to our fair city.  She is the mother of my best friend from growing up, and although I have not stayed close to her at all, she has changed the course of my life. 

At a time in my life when I was just beginning to understand the beauty and promise that the universe holds, and when I was beginning to get excited about who I was becoming and what I was learning, her words turned everything upside down. She said, basically, that it is all well and good to know ones self, but it is a far better thing to let go of self.

I had never herd this before. I was kind of let down. No, humbled. Because of course, she was right.  I had been swinging back and forth between self loathing and self worship.  I didn't know that there was another way. The Buddhists call it the middle path.

Standing on this middle path has become the steady place from where I look upon the world. I realize now that all those amazing thoughts I was having were not coming from me, but from the source.. From out there. I was just beginning to learn how to listen.  

It's easy, sitting inside and holding on to this self so tight, to feel so bad when you are offended or hurt. To be angry when things are not the way You think they Should be. But when there is no self.. The hurtful words can become useful information. You may not have know that you came across that way that time. Or maybe you will learn more about the moods and triggers of others. And you realize that there is no "way things should be".

This letting go of self is also my foundation of surrender. I realize now that I am so small. Too young and too short really :-) too young to have seen the long term. I am only just now beginning to notice my own cycles and starting to relax about things that happen and pass and happen again. How much more are the cycles of our lives, our planet, our cosmos? I will never know. Also I am too short. I cannot see how vast and wide is the universe. I cannot know how truly small and insignificant I am in the grand scheme of things. I cannot even see how much humility is in order.

When I see these things I want to become very still and quiet. I realize there is a part of me that has always known these things. Like an umbilical cord attaching me passively to all these greater things than I. It is this part that has always been sustaining and carrying me while my ego (my self) has been proudly proclaiming its own brilliance and self reliance. How funny.

So now my mantra is this.. Smaller and quieter.. 

I want to let this quiet part that knows to be allowed to draw me along the middle path. The letting go is essential because it will not draw me if I fight and scream and kick. It took me so long to learn.. I cry to think how long I held us back by holding on so tight to how things should be! 

Because you see, we all have this quiet part that knows inside of us, and if we let it, it will draw each one of us. Those people I love who are not as they should be (remember.. No way things SHOULD be), they can be drawn. But that is their story, not mine. I want to help? Release them. I hold them back when I hold on or try to drive. Even when I hold on just on the inside. 

Release, let go, be free to see what is. This is one of those secret inside works that is hard for me to explain.

Vegetarian Dilemma

Lately I have been thinking about Vegetarianism... I say lately, but I really mean I am always mulling it over in my mind. It is one of those hard questions that I refuse to give up on without truly understanding it. Felicity hates when Hayley and I talk about it because she is convinced that we hate animals, but we don’t. We are just trying to deeply explore all the different ways of looking at things without being for or against any particular view.

First off, I eat meat. Right now. It is what we grew up with, and meat is nutritious, and our ancestors only survived to be able to give us this chance at life by eating meat. Humans are omnivores.

A lot of people choose not to eat meat because they feel that it is wrong to kill animals. This stance only brings up more questions for me. Is it wrong to kill animals and eat them? Lions do it.. Is it wrong for them? Actually, in the wild ALL animals are eaten. They are killed by predators, disease, starvation or age, but something eats them all. It would seem that in the natural world all life depends on death. That makes me wonder, are we to be considered a part of the natural world? Are we something apart from it?

If we are a part of the natural world, then I suppose there is nothing wrong with killing an animal and eating its flesh. This brings up interesting feelings. Hard feelings maybe. Death is a hard one for us to ponder. It is another one of my hard questions.

So, are we, or are we not a part of the natural world? I sort of think we are, but different somehow. We have a choice, and we have an ever evolving mind that pulls us this way and that. We are also different from all the other animals in that we seem to have released ourselves from the life and death constraints placed on everyone else. We can protect ourselves from predators, disease, the weather. In some ways maybe we are not exactly a part of the natural world after all. We have insulated ourselves from it.

So, perhaps maybe, if we are not a part of the natural world, but outside of it in some way, then perhaps different rules apply to us.

Then there is this question I have about feelings. Why do we have such strong feelings of compassion for our prey when placed face to face with it? It is unusual I think. I doubt very much that eagles or crocodiles shed tears for their victims. It is interesting.

I think of a story where maybe our minds have a purpose for this. Perhaps our minds, deep down in there, understand more about what is going on in our world then we realize. Maybe this sentimental mentality is not just a misplaced cultural artifact. Perhaps we have adapted to have this weakness when it comes to killing because we secretly understand that this way of eating meat, the way we do so to excess, is not good for us, is not good for our planet, and is unsustainable.  Maybe we are putting road blocks up for ourselves to help us slowly shift to a different path.

I don’t know. I rarely find the answers.. just more questions.

How Babies are Made

So, we have inside of us these things called brains. Our brains, like the rest of our bodies, begin to grow inside of our mothers. Our cells differentiate and our organs develop in response to the cues we get from the flow of chemicals and hormones circulated throughout her blood. 

What kind of mind and body we get to start out with is determined by the complicated dance between our mother's internal chemistry and the information encoded in our DNA.

Our brains, unlike much of the rest of our bodies, is still not finished developing when we are born. Our mother's chemicals can still influence us through her milk, but at this point in our development what influences us the most is input from our environment.. Most importantly from our mother.

There exists inside of each mother and child a beautiful automatic response system that has evolved over millions of years to perfectly orchestrate the final stages of human brain development ( when it is working properly).

When a baby nurses, it's sucking produces a cascade of hormones that not only creates a good feeling for both mother and babe, but also strengthens their emotional attachment and fosters the correct chemical environment for optimal infant cognitive and physical  development. When a baby cries it triggers a hormonal emotional response in it's mother (interestingly this response is triggered most strongly in its own mother) to pick up the child, hold it close.. Soothe it. This response triggers more of those optimal hormonal states in the child.

It is so important that we do our best to give our children the best start in life because how their brain develops determines how well they will be able to meet the challenges of life. If we neglect our job at the earliest stages of life we can end up leaving them with brains predisposed to addictions, learning disabilities and other difficulties later in life.

Who knew that simply loving your child can have such a profound impact!

The good news is, even though we may not have started out with the ideal brains, we will always have the opportunity to improve. Brains can change!