Morals/Ethics

I've been thinking a lot about how and what to teach my children about how to live well in this world.  

I guess the most obvious goals of that would be to help them grow up to be kind to others, self aware, highly motivated individuals who are (most importantly) not afraid.  I'm really beginning to think that fear is the root of control, and that control is the root of most of the evils that people throw at one another, from the smallest to the largest.

So, from what I understand at this time, we create our realities based on what we think about the world, so really my goal would be then, to help them shape a healthy way of seeing the world.  I would say an accurate way of seeing the world, except that I'm not sure I know what that looks like myself.  

They would need to see value in the happiness of others, in a way that they are motivated to bring happiness to others not for anything in return (ie. if I'm nice to you you will be nice to me) or out of fear (ie. if I'm not nice to you you might not like me), but just because seeing other people lifted up lifts them up (ie, I'm genuinely happy  for you).  

I would love for them to be able to know themselves.  To understand why they do what they do.  To think deep thoughts, and come up with amazing ideas about the world that nobod has ever told them before.  To not shrink from examining their own strengths and weaknesses, and to be able to be wrong sometimes, change their minds when appropreate, but also be willing to stand up for themselves and their ideas when they feel that they are in the right (or to have the wisdom to know when to stand down even when they are right, because of the sensitivites of others).  

Somehow I would like to show them that anything that they want to do is possible.  To teach them how to learn what they need to know in order to accomplish whatever it is that their hearts desire.  To teach them that when they want to be able to do (or have or be) something, that you can usually come up with a way to get there.  To teach them not to give up easily when the way there seems harder than they were expecting.

I want to teach them to live without fear.  I think that we mostly fear loosing what we hold dear, or not having enough.  I suppose the answer that I have found is that if you are willing to give up the things you value most, then you can live without fear of loosing them.  This doesn't mean that you don't care.... It just means you give up your power of control.  You are not in charge of the lives of the people you love.  You don't buy and horde because you fear not having enough. (I think that's what Jesus was talking about when he was saying we should be like the birds of the air and the flowers of the field who don't worry about providing for themselves).  The beautiful thing about thinking and living this way is that the people you love can love you out of freedom, not because if they don't do what you wan't you'll be dissappointed. This way not only will you be able to truly love people, but you will be able to be truly loved in return.

People also live in fear of being hurt, and so they go to great lengths to guard and protect themselves, or they debilitate themselves with worry, and I don't think that is necessary.  I think that there must be a way of thinking where you let go of the fear of being hurt, where, maybe even when terrible things happen to you , you have decided ahead of time how you will think about the situation so that it can't continue to hurt or haunt you, maybe if you conciously develop this way of looking at the world you could say, even if may be hurt, I will not be afraid.  Another aspect of this, that I'm hoping Shane will instill in our girls, is a very good set of street smarts, so that no one will be able to take them by surprise, and also the ability to defned themselves physically, should the need arise.  I hope that would give them a sense of pride and confidence.  Fear has a hard time existing in the presence of confidence.