It is a proven fact that placebos are effective in treating all manner of illnesses. From depression, to pain, to warts... Simply believing that the treatment you are receiving is effective is often enough to make it effective. Belief is very powerful.
Speaking of belief, do you believe in Santa Claus? Probably not many of you grown ups do. But how many of you believed in Santa Claus when you were little? Probably almost everybody (at least for a while).
When you did believe you probably wrote him letters, and tried to be good (maybe), and were genuinely excited about waiting for him to come on Christmas Eve. Your belief in Santa effected the way you acted and thought around the holiday season. This belief made things seem really special, magical even.
In our home Santa Claus doesn't deliver presents. At Christmas time at our house the Bat Man comes. He throws sleeping gas bombs through the windows, knocks us all out, breaks in through the window, leaves presents (not forgetting to take the shot of Gin we left on the mantle for him), and leaves, fixing the broken window on his way out.
Now, our children know that the Bat Man does not really come in through the windows at christmas time. After all, they helped invent this story! But they help us perpetuate the myth by make believing with us every year.
Make believing - belief.
You know what I would like to find? A placebo I can believe in! I want to find a way to harness the power of belief and change my own reality without needing to be tricked by a sneaky story. I don't know right now what that would look like, but I can't help but think it might be something like the Bat Man at Christmas. A story all my own.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Why do we all need to feel so important?
Just something I've been thinking about lately. I suppose if I had gone to psychology class I would know all the answers, but doesn't it seem like we are all preoccupied with making ourselves feel like worthwhile and important individuals?
The more I think about it, the less I really get it. What is so wrong with just existing and being a part of this amazing universe that we find ourselves in.
This week I've been thinking about the whole working mom - stay at home mom debate. The working moms are usually trying to demonstrate how they are contributing to society and helping their families financially and being good role models for their children, and the mothers that stay at home want to show how it is the very best way to raise their children.
In this debate it seems like the people on each side need to devalue the contributions of the other in order to validate their position. I for one wish people would call it like it is and acknowledge that everybody does what they feel is best for them at the time.
For my part, I don't see myself as a working mom (even though I stay at home and do some daycare on the side). I am very fortunate that my husband has a job that pays enough for me to stay home and play with our kids and do all the things that need to be done around the house. I have gone to work in the past, and when I got home those things around the house still needed to be done, but in either case I don't get paid to do them, so I refuse to call that work.
I think we all sacrifice what we are prepared to sacrifice for the good of ourselves and our families and our sanity. It's not about who is making the best contributions or decisions. We could all always make better decisions. It's just life, as it is, right now, for a time. Live it! Don't miss it.
The more I think about it, the less I really get it. What is so wrong with just existing and being a part of this amazing universe that we find ourselves in.
This week I've been thinking about the whole working mom - stay at home mom debate. The working moms are usually trying to demonstrate how they are contributing to society and helping their families financially and being good role models for their children, and the mothers that stay at home want to show how it is the very best way to raise their children.
In this debate it seems like the people on each side need to devalue the contributions of the other in order to validate their position. I for one wish people would call it like it is and acknowledge that everybody does what they feel is best for them at the time.
For my part, I don't see myself as a working mom (even though I stay at home and do some daycare on the side). I am very fortunate that my husband has a job that pays enough for me to stay home and play with our kids and do all the things that need to be done around the house. I have gone to work in the past, and when I got home those things around the house still needed to be done, but in either case I don't get paid to do them, so I refuse to call that work.
I think we all sacrifice what we are prepared to sacrifice for the good of ourselves and our families and our sanity. It's not about who is making the best contributions or decisions. We could all always make better decisions. It's just life, as it is, right now, for a time. Live it! Don't miss it.
A Small Speck of Ponderings...
I am beginning to think that we are not all here to learn the same thing. To all come to the same epiphany, or even some one true way of looking at the world. It seems to me that we are all on our own paths, that merge and connect and split apart and all together form the amazing symphony that is this life.
There are so many different kinds of people - all with different strengths and weaknesses, different ways of looking at the same situation, different ways of dealing with hurt and anger and love and friendships. Sometimes my initial reaction to people who do (or think) things differently from myself is to say, that's wrong, you should think like me... but maybe I should just take the opportunity to learn something deeper about that person and myself from learning about their different point of view.
In nature different species fill different niches in the environment, which makes it possible for many more different species to survive and thrive than would have been possible before. Perhaps that is how we should be looking at the differences between us... as opportunities to thrive instead of stumbling blocks for each other.
For instance I may be the kind of friend who is just going to accept you for the way you are, even with the worst faults you could have, and never call you on them, but another friend might see you doing something that they don't agree with and give you a good swift kick in the butt. Could it be that if you had both kinds of friends you may be a better person for it. Secure enough (because you know you are accepted) that you can hear criticism and let it change you if necessary.
It also helps to grow into one's own way of being if you are able to drop the preconceived idea that somehow you have to be just like everybody else. I am not like everyone else, and neither are you. When I look at how I act and what I think I try not to tell myself that I should not think/act like that because it is not what everyone else does. First I try to think of why... and also look at how it affects the people around me and my overall attitude. I find that when I am living in a way that... uh, I wanna say is true for me, but some people might call it being in God's will (I like to say going with the flow), I notice that the people around me respond positively and I feel at peace.
So the point of all this is that I wonder what would happen if we all learned to be who we truly are and live in that way, what would happen.... I would be excited to find out!
There are so many different kinds of people - all with different strengths and weaknesses, different ways of looking at the same situation, different ways of dealing with hurt and anger and love and friendships. Sometimes my initial reaction to people who do (or think) things differently from myself is to say, that's wrong, you should think like me... but maybe I should just take the opportunity to learn something deeper about that person and myself from learning about their different point of view.
In nature different species fill different niches in the environment, which makes it possible for many more different species to survive and thrive than would have been possible before. Perhaps that is how we should be looking at the differences between us... as opportunities to thrive instead of stumbling blocks for each other.
For instance I may be the kind of friend who is just going to accept you for the way you are, even with the worst faults you could have, and never call you on them, but another friend might see you doing something that they don't agree with and give you a good swift kick in the butt. Could it be that if you had both kinds of friends you may be a better person for it. Secure enough (because you know you are accepted) that you can hear criticism and let it change you if necessary.
It also helps to grow into one's own way of being if you are able to drop the preconceived idea that somehow you have to be just like everybody else. I am not like everyone else, and neither are you. When I look at how I act and what I think I try not to tell myself that I should not think/act like that because it is not what everyone else does. First I try to think of why... and also look at how it affects the people around me and my overall attitude. I find that when I am living in a way that... uh, I wanna say is true for me, but some people might call it being in God's will (I like to say going with the flow), I notice that the people around me respond positively and I feel at peace.
So the point of all this is that I wonder what would happen if we all learned to be who we truly are and live in that way, what would happen.... I would be excited to find out!
Emotional Environment
So, I am beginning to think that everything around us carry with it a temperature (like hot and cold) and also a kind of emotional temperature. Sometimes people call it a vibe, but i think that it acts more like a temperature in that it can be effected by a wide veriety of things and in turn can have an effect on the environment around it.
I think the reason that I'm thinking about this right now is because it is raining and dark outside and I'm feeling sick so I'm noticing a bit of a gloomy mood beginning to creep in. I guess I'd rather analyze it instead of letting it take over. :)
I have noticed, as most people probably have, how a sunshiney day can make you feel wonderful, and how a cheerful friend can brighten a yucky day.
This is pretty obvious stuff. But I choose to remind myself about this now because I live with a lot of people, mostly little ones whose emotions are really at the mercy of what ever is happening to them at the time. I have to remember that how I feel, my own emotional temperature, has an impact on my environment and the people around me.
So, if I have a choice, I'd like to bring them up instead of down. I don't want to bring my kids home from school to a place that's gloomy. I'm not sure i have enough energy for anything as exciting as cheerful, but I can definately aim for peaceful.
Peacefulness it is then. Take a deap breath, smile a little smile, enjoy the quiet house, remember all the best things in my life (the people in it), just relax.
Anyways, hope you have enjoyed my silly ramblings. As with anything I write, feel free to keep anything that made sense, ignore anything that made none.
I think the reason that I'm thinking about this right now is because it is raining and dark outside and I'm feeling sick so I'm noticing a bit of a gloomy mood beginning to creep in. I guess I'd rather analyze it instead of letting it take over. :)
I have noticed, as most people probably have, how a sunshiney day can make you feel wonderful, and how a cheerful friend can brighten a yucky day.
This is pretty obvious stuff. But I choose to remind myself about this now because I live with a lot of people, mostly little ones whose emotions are really at the mercy of what ever is happening to them at the time. I have to remember that how I feel, my own emotional temperature, has an impact on my environment and the people around me.
So, if I have a choice, I'd like to bring them up instead of down. I don't want to bring my kids home from school to a place that's gloomy. I'm not sure i have enough energy for anything as exciting as cheerful, but I can definately aim for peaceful.
Peacefulness it is then. Take a deap breath, smile a little smile, enjoy the quiet house, remember all the best things in my life (the people in it), just relax.
Anyways, hope you have enjoyed my silly ramblings. As with anything I write, feel free to keep anything that made sense, ignore anything that made none.
Energy
Quite often people ask me why I run everywhere. Actually, my favorite one is... Where do you get all that energy? What I want to say to them is... Where do YOU get all that energy?
See, I'm running down the street, usually pushing a stroller with a couple of kids. Kind of heavy, but well designed, so it's really not that hard to do, and i'm lucky if my top speed gets close to 7 or 8 kilometers per hour. My energy came from breakfast, or the coffee I just had.
THEY are moving a tonne of metal down the road (not to mention all of the people and stuff encased in that huge contraption) at enormous speeds exceeding 50k/h. Their energy did not come from breakfast (except maybe the energy they are using to push the gas pedal down), but it is not magic either.
The amount of energy it really takes to push that car or truck down the street is really quite staggering when you come to think about it. But most of us don't. Not even me most of the time. In our world we are generations removed from actually thinking about the energy we use in any real way. I would venture to guess that very few of us even know what it is like to do all of our laundry by hand, or chop down our own fire wood to heat our homes, or even bring our own food from its source in the land to our plates.
Because of how our world is set up it is almost impossible for most of us to have any direct connection to to the energy we use in everyday life. Also, because of how our world works, our lives are so busy and complicated that we couldn't slow down enough to think about it even if we tried. I am starting to think that this disconnect that we have from the energy we use causes us to use what we do have extravagantly and at times needlessly, without even being aware of it.
Everything is just magic. Press the gas pedal and the car goes. Turn the thermostat and the house is warm. Go to the store and pick up dinner. Sure we pay with money (which is supposed to represent the energy we put into our work), but I think the metaphor is lost on us.
I'm not saying any of this to make anyone feel bad. I don't even think that people need to abandon their cars and start running around instead. I just think maybe we should just think about where our energy comes from, and what it all means. Because if you change how you think, then your actions will follow in ways that are meaningful to you.
As for me, I am starting to wonder how many kilometers I would have to run to equal the energy that it takes to power my iPhone.
See, I'm running down the street, usually pushing a stroller with a couple of kids. Kind of heavy, but well designed, so it's really not that hard to do, and i'm lucky if my top speed gets close to 7 or 8 kilometers per hour. My energy came from breakfast, or the coffee I just had.
THEY are moving a tonne of metal down the road (not to mention all of the people and stuff encased in that huge contraption) at enormous speeds exceeding 50k/h. Their energy did not come from breakfast (except maybe the energy they are using to push the gas pedal down), but it is not magic either.
The amount of energy it really takes to push that car or truck down the street is really quite staggering when you come to think about it. But most of us don't. Not even me most of the time. In our world we are generations removed from actually thinking about the energy we use in any real way. I would venture to guess that very few of us even know what it is like to do all of our laundry by hand, or chop down our own fire wood to heat our homes, or even bring our own food from its source in the land to our plates.
Because of how our world is set up it is almost impossible for most of us to have any direct connection to to the energy we use in everyday life. Also, because of how our world works, our lives are so busy and complicated that we couldn't slow down enough to think about it even if we tried. I am starting to think that this disconnect that we have from the energy we use causes us to use what we do have extravagantly and at times needlessly, without even being aware of it.
Everything is just magic. Press the gas pedal and the car goes. Turn the thermostat and the house is warm. Go to the store and pick up dinner. Sure we pay with money (which is supposed to represent the energy we put into our work), but I think the metaphor is lost on us.
I'm not saying any of this to make anyone feel bad. I don't even think that people need to abandon their cars and start running around instead. I just think maybe we should just think about where our energy comes from, and what it all means. Because if you change how you think, then your actions will follow in ways that are meaningful to you.
As for me, I am starting to wonder how many kilometers I would have to run to equal the energy that it takes to power my iPhone.
The Joy of Baking
Life is a lot like baking...
At first you need to use the recipe. You measure everything carefully, watch the clock, and use the tester to see if everything is done.
But if you really experience the recipe you begin to understand without understanding.... you already know the process you need to go through to bake the cake or cookies or biscuits you are craving... you can tell by looking if you have the right amount of ingredients... you know by smelling when it is almost ready, and you can hear and feel that it is done.
Life is a lot more complicated then baking a cake, but if we learn from our experiences, pay attention to our senses and learn to follow our heart, maybe we can all get better at "it" (whatever "it" is), or perhaps at the very least end up with a few less burnt dinners.
At first you need to use the recipe. You measure everything carefully, watch the clock, and use the tester to see if everything is done.
But if you really experience the recipe you begin to understand without understanding.... you already know the process you need to go through to bake the cake or cookies or biscuits you are craving... you can tell by looking if you have the right amount of ingredients... you know by smelling when it is almost ready, and you can hear and feel that it is done.
Life is a lot more complicated then baking a cake, but if we learn from our experiences, pay attention to our senses and learn to follow our heart, maybe we can all get better at "it" (whatever "it" is), or perhaps at the very least end up with a few less burnt dinners.
A Dog's Life
The dogs in this house seem to have an insatiable longing for something and I know not what it is. They stand here at my feet staring at me with their puppy dog eyes (well, what else are they supposed to stare with) just pleading, and I don't know what they want.
You know what.. I have this sneaking suspicion that they don't know what they want either.
First this morning they wanted to go outside. That one was a no brainer. But that was not enough, they keep asking for something.
Next thing on the list is to feed them. They always go crazy for food (except Paco, but he's just wierd. He never wants to eat in the morning, not unlike a few people I know). Sometimes I think the dogs would eat nonstop and never be full. Maybe because that is not exactly what they are longing for, but it is one of the easiest needs to fill.
So then we go to the park and play. They never get enough of play either, but there is only so much time in a day right! Actually, I think this is possibly the need that is not being addressed here. When Prophet was younger she could run with me for hours, but now she can barely make it around the block. It makes me sad. A dog that is tired from play is a happy dog indeed.
So I sit here with these guys. They still want something, but the only thing I have left to offer is pats and cuddles and a kind word, which I happily give. I wish I could help you guys more.
So, why am I telling you all this? Because I love analogy! I think of how so often I (or one of the girls) seem to need something and I know not what it is. How often I eat when I'm really thirsty, or just need a hug, or bored. Why is it so hard to identify what we really need? I can't think of any good answers (what an unsatisfactory ending!)...
Excpt maybe to get out and run around more. Play outside until you are tired! See if that makes everything all right.
You know what.. I have this sneaking suspicion that they don't know what they want either.
First this morning they wanted to go outside. That one was a no brainer. But that was not enough, they keep asking for something.
Next thing on the list is to feed them. They always go crazy for food (except Paco, but he's just wierd. He never wants to eat in the morning, not unlike a few people I know). Sometimes I think the dogs would eat nonstop and never be full. Maybe because that is not exactly what they are longing for, but it is one of the easiest needs to fill.
So then we go to the park and play. They never get enough of play either, but there is only so much time in a day right! Actually, I think this is possibly the need that is not being addressed here. When Prophet was younger she could run with me for hours, but now she can barely make it around the block. It makes me sad. A dog that is tired from play is a happy dog indeed.
So I sit here with these guys. They still want something, but the only thing I have left to offer is pats and cuddles and a kind word, which I happily give. I wish I could help you guys more.
So, why am I telling you all this? Because I love analogy! I think of how so often I (or one of the girls) seem to need something and I know not what it is. How often I eat when I'm really thirsty, or just need a hug, or bored. Why is it so hard to identify what we really need? I can't think of any good answers (what an unsatisfactory ending!)...
Excpt maybe to get out and run around more. Play outside until you are tired! See if that makes everything all right.
How I see it...
I am beginning to think that there are as many ways of looking at the world/being in the world as there are people in it.
It is very convienent to believe that we all share a common sense of reality and that the things that are obvious to you are also obvious to me, but that is not necessarily the way things are.
Everyone has this story of how the world is inside of them. This story has been shaped by their family, friends, culture, experiences and how their own unique brain has decided to file all these things. Quite frankly, I think it's amazing that any of us share enough common thoughts to hold together any cohesive society at all.
I suspect that this rift of world views may be a source of so much of our conflict. When someone does something that doesn't line up with how we see the world, instead of trying to understand the reasons behind their actions, we are quick to judge. We call them evil, or think there is something wrong with them. We are afraid. Then it becomes much easier to take action to defend ourselves against them. They are evil after all...
Trying to understand someone else's way of seeing the world is hard. It means you may have to be slow to anger, putting aside defensiveness for a time. It means you might have to seek forgiveness where you might really want to justify your own actions. You might have to re-evaluate your own beliefs, or agree to disagree in order to allow another person to feel like they have really been understood.
Not that I think everyone has "good" and "right" reasons for everything they do.. Heaven knows I don't! But just that understanding is a much better way than fear and hate.
I am pretty sure there are other ways of seeing these things that make more sense then this :-) Eveyones thoughts are welcome here.
It is very convienent to believe that we all share a common sense of reality and that the things that are obvious to you are also obvious to me, but that is not necessarily the way things are.
Everyone has this story of how the world is inside of them. This story has been shaped by their family, friends, culture, experiences and how their own unique brain has decided to file all these things. Quite frankly, I think it's amazing that any of us share enough common thoughts to hold together any cohesive society at all.
I suspect that this rift of world views may be a source of so much of our conflict. When someone does something that doesn't line up with how we see the world, instead of trying to understand the reasons behind their actions, we are quick to judge. We call them evil, or think there is something wrong with them. We are afraid. Then it becomes much easier to take action to defend ourselves against them. They are evil after all...
Trying to understand someone else's way of seeing the world is hard. It means you may have to be slow to anger, putting aside defensiveness for a time. It means you might have to seek forgiveness where you might really want to justify your own actions. You might have to re-evaluate your own beliefs, or agree to disagree in order to allow another person to feel like they have really been understood.
Not that I think everyone has "good" and "right" reasons for everything they do.. Heaven knows I don't! But just that understanding is a much better way than fear and hate.
I am pretty sure there are other ways of seeing these things that make more sense then this :-) Eveyones thoughts are welcome here.
Coping skills
Today I feel like Poop. I think I'm tired (no doubt really), and my eyes feel puffy, so I'm feeling like I look like crap. I want to be a mean bitch to the kids, and everything that is not going my way feels like the universe is conspiring against me. My reactions to these things are bad, and I feel as if I am helpless to do any better. Also, I feel the weight of all the stress of all of the packing and fixing up and looking for a home and moving that we aren't doing. This day feels like it's gonna suck bigtime!
So, I need to do something about it before I become a self fulfilling prophecy. I have the idea that I can try to notice and focus on the interesting and the positive and take pleasure in them on purpose. I need to invoke crazy happy mommy (which I reeeeeally don't feel like I can do, but I know I must, for all our sakes). I need to run. I know that will help. I need to smile, I don't feel like that will help, but I know enough psychology to know that it will. I need to think of something to look forward to. And until it becomes real and automatic, I need to do all of these things consistantly and on purpose.
- I will pay attention to the nice things around me
1. The children are playing together happily
2. The house is (mostly) clean.
3. I have the night off, and I might get to hang out with Shane (and whatever the case I am planning on getting completely sloshed).
4. The sun is shining, the birds are singing.
5. I have money for what I need today.
6. I can always do better.
- I will run to school shortly and we will have a picnic. THAT WILL HELP ALOT (believe it)
- I will smile, starting now gosh darn it... (I can't believe how hard it is to smile right now! it actually hurts)
- I am going to think of things to look forward to.
1. Running to school
2. Going shopping for family movie night.
3. Making crossiants for snack time!
4. Having something wonderful for dinner.
5. Famly movie night.
6. Hangin with my guy
A + B = C I will feel better!
(I'll have to let you know how that goes :P
So, I need to do something about it before I become a self fulfilling prophecy. I have the idea that I can try to notice and focus on the interesting and the positive and take pleasure in them on purpose. I need to invoke crazy happy mommy (which I reeeeeally don't feel like I can do, but I know I must, for all our sakes). I need to run. I know that will help. I need to smile, I don't feel like that will help, but I know enough psychology to know that it will. I need to think of something to look forward to. And until it becomes real and automatic, I need to do all of these things consistantly and on purpose.
- I will pay attention to the nice things around me
1. The children are playing together happily
2. The house is (mostly) clean.
3. I have the night off, and I might get to hang out with Shane (and whatever the case I am planning on getting completely sloshed).
4. The sun is shining, the birds are singing.
5. I have money for what I need today.
6. I can always do better.
- I will run to school shortly and we will have a picnic. THAT WILL HELP ALOT (believe it)
- I will smile, starting now gosh darn it... (I can't believe how hard it is to smile right now! it actually hurts)
- I am going to think of things to look forward to.
1. Running to school
2. Going shopping for family movie night.
3. Making crossiants for snack time!
4. Having something wonderful for dinner.
5. Famly movie night.
6. Hangin with my guy
A + B = C I will feel better!
(I'll have to let you know how that goes :P
Morals/Ethics
I've been thinking a lot about how and what to teach my children about how to live well in this world.
I guess the most obvious goals of that would be to help them grow up to be kind to others, self aware, highly motivated individuals who are (most importantly) not afraid. I'm really beginning to think that fear is the root of control, and that control is the root of most of the evils that people throw at one another, from the smallest to the largest.
So, from what I understand at this time, we create our realities based on what we think about the world, so really my goal would be then, to help them shape a healthy way of seeing the world. I would say an accurate way of seeing the world, except that I'm not sure I know what that looks like myself.
They would need to see value in the happiness of others, in a way that they are motivated to bring happiness to others not for anything in return (ie. if I'm nice to you you will be nice to me) or out of fear (ie. if I'm not nice to you you might not like me), but just because seeing other people lifted up lifts them up (ie, I'm genuinely happy for you).
I would love for them to be able to know themselves. To understand why they do what they do. To think deep thoughts, and come up with amazing ideas about the world that nobod has ever told them before. To not shrink from examining their own strengths and weaknesses, and to be able to be wrong sometimes, change their minds when appropreate, but also be willing to stand up for themselves and their ideas when they feel that they are in the right (or to have the wisdom to know when to stand down even when they are right, because of the sensitivites of others).
Somehow I would like to show them that anything that they want to do is possible. To teach them how to learn what they need to know in order to accomplish whatever it is that their hearts desire. To teach them that when they want to be able to do (or have or be) something, that you can usually come up with a way to get there. To teach them not to give up easily when the way there seems harder than they were expecting.
I want to teach them to live without fear. I think that we mostly fear loosing what we hold dear, or not having enough. I suppose the answer that I have found is that if you are willing to give up the things you value most, then you can live without fear of loosing them. This doesn't mean that you don't care.... It just means you give up your power of control. You are not in charge of the lives of the people you love. You don't buy and horde because you fear not having enough. (I think that's what Jesus was talking about when he was saying we should be like the birds of the air and the flowers of the field who don't worry about providing for themselves). The beautiful thing about thinking and living this way is that the people you love can love you out of freedom, not because if they don't do what you wan't you'll be dissappointed. This way not only will you be able to truly love people, but you will be able to be truly loved in return.
People also live in fear of being hurt, and so they go to great lengths to guard and protect themselves, or they debilitate themselves with worry, and I don't think that is necessary. I think that there must be a way of thinking where you let go of the fear of being hurt, where, maybe even when terrible things happen to you , you have decided ahead of time how you will think about the situation so that it can't continue to hurt or haunt you, maybe if you conciously develop this way of looking at the world you could say, even if may be hurt, I will not be afraid. Another aspect of this, that I'm hoping Shane will instill in our girls, is a very good set of street smarts, so that no one will be able to take them by surprise, and also the ability to defned themselves physically, should the need arise. I hope that would give them a sense of pride and confidence. Fear has a hard time existing in the presence of confidence.
I guess the most obvious goals of that would be to help them grow up to be kind to others, self aware, highly motivated individuals who are (most importantly) not afraid. I'm really beginning to think that fear is the root of control, and that control is the root of most of the evils that people throw at one another, from the smallest to the largest.
So, from what I understand at this time, we create our realities based on what we think about the world, so really my goal would be then, to help them shape a healthy way of seeing the world. I would say an accurate way of seeing the world, except that I'm not sure I know what that looks like myself.
They would need to see value in the happiness of others, in a way that they are motivated to bring happiness to others not for anything in return (ie. if I'm nice to you you will be nice to me) or out of fear (ie. if I'm not nice to you you might not like me), but just because seeing other people lifted up lifts them up (ie, I'm genuinely happy for you).
I would love for them to be able to know themselves. To understand why they do what they do. To think deep thoughts, and come up with amazing ideas about the world that nobod has ever told them before. To not shrink from examining their own strengths and weaknesses, and to be able to be wrong sometimes, change their minds when appropreate, but also be willing to stand up for themselves and their ideas when they feel that they are in the right (or to have the wisdom to know when to stand down even when they are right, because of the sensitivites of others).
Somehow I would like to show them that anything that they want to do is possible. To teach them how to learn what they need to know in order to accomplish whatever it is that their hearts desire. To teach them that when they want to be able to do (or have or be) something, that you can usually come up with a way to get there. To teach them not to give up easily when the way there seems harder than they were expecting.
I want to teach them to live without fear. I think that we mostly fear loosing what we hold dear, or not having enough. I suppose the answer that I have found is that if you are willing to give up the things you value most, then you can live without fear of loosing them. This doesn't mean that you don't care.... It just means you give up your power of control. You are not in charge of the lives of the people you love. You don't buy and horde because you fear not having enough. (I think that's what Jesus was talking about when he was saying we should be like the birds of the air and the flowers of the field who don't worry about providing for themselves). The beautiful thing about thinking and living this way is that the people you love can love you out of freedom, not because if they don't do what you wan't you'll be dissappointed. This way not only will you be able to truly love people, but you will be able to be truly loved in return.
People also live in fear of being hurt, and so they go to great lengths to guard and protect themselves, or they debilitate themselves with worry, and I don't think that is necessary. I think that there must be a way of thinking where you let go of the fear of being hurt, where, maybe even when terrible things happen to you , you have decided ahead of time how you will think about the situation so that it can't continue to hurt or haunt you, maybe if you conciously develop this way of looking at the world you could say, even if may be hurt, I will not be afraid. Another aspect of this, that I'm hoping Shane will instill in our girls, is a very good set of street smarts, so that no one will be able to take them by surprise, and also the ability to defned themselves physically, should the need arise. I hope that would give them a sense of pride and confidence. Fear has a hard time existing in the presence of confidence.
To Blog, or not to Blog
I think a lot. It has been said that I probably think too much, and I am tempted to agree. At this time one part of me is trying to learn to quiet these thoughts and just be. I am learning to make friends with meditation and quiet observation. Another part of me will always be a thinker. I will try to enjoy that part here in these "pages".
This blog is going to be the repository of my thoughts. Where I can lay them down outside of my head and move on.
Dear reader, please keep these things in mind as you peruse this particular blog. Everything written here are thoughts in progress. Nothing is ever finished, it usually just flows into something else. Also, never think that I am proclaiming to be right. When you are always learning, you have to hold lightly to whatever "truth" you may find, so that you can learn the next thing.
I am moving my body of work (such as it is) from their various locations and making this their permanent home. Read, enjoy... take from it whatever you find that resonates with you and leave behind what doesn't. This is my story (the only one I am qualified to write). May yours be amazing and interesting!
This blog is going to be the repository of my thoughts. Where I can lay them down outside of my head and move on.
Dear reader, please keep these things in mind as you peruse this particular blog. Everything written here are thoughts in progress. Nothing is ever finished, it usually just flows into something else. Also, never think that I am proclaiming to be right. When you are always learning, you have to hold lightly to whatever "truth" you may find, so that you can learn the next thing.
I am moving my body of work (such as it is) from their various locations and making this their permanent home. Read, enjoy... take from it whatever you find that resonates with you and leave behind what doesn't. This is my story (the only one I am qualified to write). May yours be amazing and interesting!
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